Dear Popular Women’s Lifestyle Magazine,

I regret to inform you that I am officially breaking up with you. After almost two decades together, I’ve come to realize that it is me, not you, who has changed. You are who you’ve always been, but I am no longer in your target demographic. I need to move on.

About the time when we first got together in the mid-90s.

I fondly remember when we met, back when I had very different goals and expectations from life. I had an idea of who I wanted to be, and at the time, I’m sure it was right. We had so much in common back then. From fashion and skin care to dating advice and general women’s  issues, we just clicked. Stories were new, educating, thought-provoking, and life-affirming. You introduced me to new products with clever marketing that (somewhat) promised to make me feel special and happy. We spent lazy Sundays catching up over coffee. Getting together was a real treat.  

Now, I find myself quickly skimming articles that simply no longer interest me. We’ve been discussing these exact same topics for years. I’m all set with what I deem to be very common sense office etiquette. Our concept of fun couldn’t be more different. I grow concerned each time I see models displaying clothes on hunched frames that seem to scream out for orthopedic intervention. With expressions often so sullen, so vacant, not only do I not want to buy the clothes, I want to take them out for coffee and ask them what I can do to help. I balk at your “price upon request” items that I wouldn’t purchase at the county flea market. Is that really how we want to spend extra money after bills are paid? I can’t help but roll my eyes at styles you show me that I unfortunately found myself in decades earlier that don’t exactly compliment the figure of the average woman. I can now afford those pricey products but often choose to buy from the just-as-good, if not better, less expensive competition, especially because I’ve learned that those things are not what make me feel special and happy. Last but not least, I genuinely hope that I’ll never need dating advice ever again.

I can only imagine how hard it is to keep so many of the same topics fresh and exciting. Every once in a while I do come across an article I find appealing, but it’s just not enough to stay together. I want you to know that you still have so much to offer…someone else.

I acknowledge that you’ve worked hard to get me back several times, and while I do appreciate the attractive “We want you back!” rate and free tote bag, if it’s not right then it’s not right. We can’t keep going back and forth. I’ve already started seeing other publications specific to birds and home decorating, and I’m having a lot of fun.

Not to rub it in your face but there have been a few other lifestyle magazines watching our relationship fall apart that are trying to capitalize on the opportunity. I’ve been courted with a free six-month subscription from a new publication targeted more towards my current demographic. I was excited as I went through that first issue in the hopes that this one would “get me.” By the time I reached the end however, I already had misgivings about making any kind of commitment. Not to be hasty, I went ahead and read the second issue. While I admire their efforts, we just didn’t have enough in common. I can’t blame them for trying but there won’t be a new subscription there either.

Thank you for all you’ve given to me through the years. I wish you the best.

-Arden